Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Must miss movies playing this month

Big Hollywood dishes.

Is it too much to ask for a movie that an adult male might be interested in? Oh, well how about Brothers? Tobey Maguire plays a Marine, yet it’s not a comedy. He goes to Afghanistan and, as Hollywood teaches us, he must therefore return a psychotic PTSD-ravaged ticking time bomb. Oh, and the hero’s brother nails his wife while he’s gone. Good times!

Oh, but there's more!

I have not seen The Twilight Saga: New Moon, but it’s on my “want to-do” list too – right after the colonoscopy. I’d make fun of this goofy phenomenon but that would be like tripping a guy in a cast – amusing, but hardly sporting. I do love the pretension of the title…it’s a saga, damn it. That perfectly captures the way teenagers not only imagine themselves the first to ever, in all of human history, experience the feelings and emotions they are experiencing but also to believe their routine internal turmoil is of epic significance. Kids, you’re 16 and horny. It’s not The Odyssey. And I’ll just interpose one bit of advice for starlet Kristen Stewart – staring blankly with your mouth half-open does not constitute a performance.

As a woman who has received no less than FOUR diatribes from her husband about "Twilight" and it's popularity with women, I would like it to please simply go away. It has provided so much ammunition for men/my husband to ridicule and mock I get hives just seeing the movie posters.

Now seems like an appropriate time to link this piece, "The Top 20 Unfortunate Lessons Girls Learn from Twilight. Sigh. I hate to jump on the female-bashing-ness that this movie inspires, but they've got a point. I could defend the books (not the movies) but instead I'll just say that girls are better off reading Jane Austen.