Saturday, February 07, 2009

Stimulating the Colon

I haven't written much about the stimulous bill because, honestly, I don't know what else to say but We're Fucked. Really, and truly.

Luckily, others are able to expound upon that fucking:

Let us gaze upon our immediate future: the stimulus package is not an $800 billion jolt meant to defibrillate the heart of the American economy; it is a greasy mafiosi-style payoff to the bequeathers' collective patrons, from community outreach organizers to eco-terrorists to pork barrel profiteers to failure-sodden currency manipulators to public works defalcators. T'would be better in my estimation to give every man, woman, and child (and, yes, morphodite) in the country a check for $2500, and see how quickly the economy was stimulated. Even when a large percentage of the population frittered the money on extravagances like paying off credit card debt, or purchasing mail-order Ukranian brides, the economy would reply like one does after a sweet soft kiss in the ear.

And more:

Now comes the new administration. Before any of us proletarians even realized the deal was truly going down every government agency, state, city, city-state, town, hamlet, and village had a properly authorized wish list in front of their representative, and 800 pages of filthy garbage was duly issued forth like bubbles from a barnacle. There will be much backslapping over the miniscule revisions made to the stimulus bill, as the legislators congratulate themselves on their obeisance to the vox populi, but this thing will still reek of high heaven, and the patrons will have gifted the clients with that which the clients must have in order to survive in their socially acceptable, echo-chambered barnacle shells.

The Clientelism survives, and is indeed stronger for it. The 70% of the private sector that is small business? You, perhaps? You are fucked. You have no patron. You are the sap, the myrrh, that made this unholy thing possible in the first place. So shut up, por favor.

Us 70%'ers are fucked. Fucked fucked fucked. Who and what will be stimulated? Those who don't drive the economy anyway. Government workers, those who rely on government grants, and those who rely on government hand-outs.

And don't even get me started on Barney Franks's idea of limiting ALL executive pay in the whole United States to $500,000. We are headed straight toward a plutocracy, and that ruling elite class is going to be made up not of rich rebulicans but hypocritical democrats. Rangel. Daschel. Frank. Kerry. Gore. Soros. I could go on, but my colon is stimulated enough at the moment.