Wednesday, April 09, 2008

American Idol/updated

Jason Castro and Kristy Lee Cook ( I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.)

Worst: Brooke White (boring) and David Cook.

Our Lady Peace, David? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I love OLP, but the song was entirely wrong for David. It was almost painful.

Michael Johns - "Dream On" was ok.

Seyesha Mercado - oh, great, another diva song. @@

Carly Smithson - boring song. And, she did look angry when she sang it.

David Archuleta - what can I say? I mean, he sang it well, but he's got "adult contemporary" written all over him. So, while I diss Seyesha for being diva, I diss David for being adult contemp. That's just the way I roll.

I think it may be Brook White's week.

BTW: Jason Castro sang Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and from the moment I heard he was going to do that version, I knew it was going to be great. PERFECT choice for him.

Rachel Lucas on last night's show:

It was during this part of the program when I noticed Paula’s boobs. Not in the good way, but in the way that makes one clutch one’s own boobs protectively and to whisper down at them, I will never do that to you, boobs.
(I mean really. What asshole decided that smashing boobs down completely flat so that only a ridge of fat bulges over the top of your corset was a good idea?)
It was convenient that I was in touch with my boobs right then, because when Jason Castro started singing that funky little version of “Over the Rainbow,” I began spontaneously lactating. True story. I’m not too sure about the physiological mechanisms involved here but I’m pretty sure it’s something to do with wanting to have his babies.
Hypothetically, of course. Although I totally support the rumor that I’m pregnant because that gives me one more opportunity to disappoint people.
After Jason and his extremely confusing sex appeal (he looks like a girl, but also like a man, pretty but virile…shit I don’t know…he was playing the ukelele for Chrissake but it was almost erotic), the show went downhill hard and fast.

But, she gets even better when she broaches the subject that has bugged my family for a while:

Then, Carly. Carly, Carly, Carly. That girl needs to cover up that fucking tattoo. Just once! One week! That’s all I’m asking. I dug it at first but now after a solid 6 weeks of her aggressively sleeveless shirts, I want to burn it off with fire. WE GET IT, CARLY. You have a huge tattoo of a woman’s face on your upper right arm. We see it. We’re over it and you should be too.

I agree with her completely, except the part about digging the tats at first. I never dug 'em. Tatoos, on the whole, are fugly.